I'm sitting here, writing this, contemplating whether I should go fix myself something to eat, having had nothing all day. Or whether a grumbling stomach is better than one in pain.To eat or not to eat? The anxiety I've suffered all my life is at its full force now. And I feel desperate.
What I could do with is meeting people similar to me, but I have absolutely no idea how. I want to meet friends with my same interests. That doesn't mean I don't love the ones I have now because God knows I do, and so do they, themselves. But I'm so tired of feeling so different. And I'm perpetually frustrated.
I want people who're adventurous. Who'd purchase a plane ticket on some last minute inspiration and go somewhere. Who sleep on beaches just to look at the stars. Who dream big. Who want to see the world. Who live outside the lines. Who would enjoy abseiling just as much as they would enjoy walking around the Louvre or listening to chamber music. Trekking and reading a good book.
I'm so entirely fed up of everybody being so conventional. Most people have every little step of the way planned out and it's so fucking boring. I can't even stand the thought of it. More and more, spontaneity is becoming just a word in a dictionary.
And words can't really express the frustration I feel right now, but I'd still like to give it a try. How this feels like is having somebody repulsive, somebody you absolutely hate touching your body in some way. Your face, your arms, whatever. And you keep saying ' stop touching me, stop it! stop it! STOP IT!!!' but your voice isn't loud enough and your arms can't move and you're so fucking stuck.
I'm so sick of everybody being a carbon copy of each other.
I'm so angry at everyone. And disappointed. Which is stupid because they are who they are and that's that, you love them.
I just wish really hard to meet someone different.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment