My complete detachment from reality makes it possible for me to cope with the fact that I'm surrounded by mediocrity and the conscious-blind, who are all ready to judge me. It also teaches me how to ignore early instilled morals that do no make sense. The latter sometimes wears me down but I am a student of life: and I'm slowly learning how to not be a slave to my upbringing.
That is why my general plan involves:
A) Living the arts. The less of yourself you are, the more you discover about yourself. I want to know as much as I can so as to not be destroyed by other people's perception of me. Also, art alienates you, which leads to point-
B) Living the arts in a crazy little house. Colorful indie style being my choice of interior design, as well as having my paintings, various instruments lying around, books everywhere and aerial silks hanging from the ceiling.
C) A good sound system. I want to have soft, beautiful lyrics surrounding me all the time.
I don't know whether I'm moving towards something here, or running away. I have to keep reminding myself what it is that I'm fighting for, otherwise I start fighting against something and that something in this case, is judgment. I'm strong for the most part, but sometimes, on my low days, it gets to me. And when it does, it gets to me bad.
Being 'different' comes at a price. As does having dreams. Although I don't entirely understand these 'definitions'.
I don't know why I even care this much. I guess no matter how much you tell yourself that you don't care about other people's opinion, you do, some of them, even if just a little bit.
I don't know . I don't even remember what the point of my writing this was.
To put it eloquently: I know nuthin'.
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2 comments:
You know what? (in response to this entry and the one before it) I feel different from everyone around me too. And it is alienating and wierd and scary all at the same time. Thing is, I've come to realize I'm not the only one who feels this way. Unless we get sucked into Adapting *shudder* we're all individuals (and as corny as it sounds, unique in our own way) so obviously we feel different. The trick is loving the diversity, and loving yourself enough to be confident about sticking out (like a sore thumb). Why do you want to find someone like you anyway? It would be incredibly boring!
someone similar? It would make me feel less alone, I think. Nobody ever wants to do the stuff I want to do, or ride along my plans. I'm the one who's always adapting, to a certain extent. Always toning it down. I'm tired of being perpetually disappointed. I want something different and all I keep getting are different variations of the same thing, over and over again.
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