Cringe-worthy.

Oh my GOD. One of my worst nightmares is actually manifesting itself. I AM TURNING INTO MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!! What a fucking horrific thing. Not personality wise. Physically, I took after my mother in the most obscene way, which is for the best as my father is an oily, ugly midget of a wanker. But as I was going through my daily routine of looking for flaws ( of which there are plenty) in the mirror, I noticed fresh blooming ( not so good) similarities. So what? I'm a little bit vane. Everybody is.
I, ugh, don't even know what to say. You know how you aspire to be better than your parents? I'm turning into shit. I can't believe how much I've let myself go these past couple of months. I gained weight, impulsively chopped all my beautiful long hair off to shoulder length and don't even bother wearing lenses any more. Sometimes I just roll out of bed and leave the house with what I've slept with on. And this looks so much worse written down.
I just can't bring myself to bother, most of the time. I'm hiding behind some book wherever I go or busy snarling at anyone who attempts to strike conversation.
I think it's the routine, I tell you.
I don't regret starting studying again, at all. But when you settle into any sort of routine, you kind of stop bothering about a lot of things. At least I do. The spark is gone. And I need to keep reminding myself I am working towards something bigger.
The excitement is gone and I have nothing to express. I only wear black because I couldn't be bothered and I know black looks good on anyone. Oh, God, I'm turning into a wall-flower.
I need to do something. I need to find something new until I get to leave for London again in June.
I need to bring myself to bother.
( I need to get my ass into some gym)
I need to not turn into my mother!!!!!!!