Sometimes, I feel so stupid. No no, I often feel stupid. Sometimes, I can't figure out what's bothering me. I feel physically bad and then I realize I can't swallow. That knot you have when you're about to cry? Yeah. And the thing is I can't point out what's making me feel bad the worst. I can't understand why I fall into this all the time. Why is it so hard for me to feel good? Sometimes I think that hurt is my twisted idea of a comfort zone. I find myself following trains of thought I don't want to drown. Triggered by phrases or pictures or paintings or even music. I don't know why I find it so easy to assimilate with pain.
I ask myself questions that lead me nowhere because, right now? I don't have the power to change anything. Well no. I do. But I don't know, I don't really want to, it's not time for the change yet. In a couple of months, I'll be free again. Maybe the invisible noose around my throat will loosen up.
Why am I here? Why am I not happy yet don't do anything about it? Why do I accept people trying to change my soul? Why does everyone one want to break you and remould you?
Love and like, they're just words. Whatever is done conditionally is not real.
I feel like I need to leave and be by myself to save what I am. I'm not a bad person. Why does no one understand that we're not carbon copies? I don't understand.
It seems like I can't understand anything anymore.
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